In the Middle of It All

So I'm sitting here in fourth period in my online creative writing class. I'm done all my work. I've been bummin the last two days in this class. I have a really excellent story idea, but whenever I try to write down something, I get new ideas, but those new ideas don't fit with the old ones I've already written down and I'm doing the story in pen and I really hate to rip out pages and start over but it's looking like that's what I'm going to have to do. Some of the stuff I put in there is kinda really retarded, but other stuff is keepable. I'm thinkin I'm gonna get my friend Lindsey Bostick to help me write it, cuz she really wants to do that and I'm struggling to strand my ideas together properly so, yeah. I know I haven't written in like a superbly long time, but one i've been grounded and two my life is a complete snore-fest. My parents won't let me read the book I wanna read and that depresses and frustrates the life outta me. plus I'm feeling like the ultimate hypocrite cuz of stuff that's happening on the bus. Man, I wish i could freakin drive. I hate this crap. oye. anyways... yeah... i guess this entry is pretty much a vent of what's happened in no detail at all. Which is weird for me cuz usually i have to go and scrutinize every tiny event that occurs in my life but lately I've just been like "bleh" about all of it. I'm like, "you know what? screw this. this is retarded." Anyways... I'm trying to read the Bible thru in a year. heh. good luck with that one. I still haven't read the passages for today. I think I might read them at lunch. or try to anyways... hopefully the scriptures will act as a "re-sensitizing" mechanism and I can get my head back where it needs to be. Lord knows it's been too long since I've had a good healthy dose of reality.

You know when a rat finds a new dumpster full of newly chucked food and he thinks he'll be dining like a king? Then when he eats it he doesn't know what it is but it tastes really good. He doesn't realize he's eating poisoned food that will make him sick. Then it's like a little boy finds him walking around one day and thinks he looks cute so he takes the rat home and starts feeding it proper food. It doesn't taste right. In fact it tastes downright foul, but the rat somehow warms up to the good food and realizes what he was eating before wasn't good for him. Well... I was that rat... and the little boy who found me... was God. Just puts in perspective how good I feel about myself right about now. *sarcasm* But then there's no mom to go and scream at the little boy and tell him to get the vermin out of the house. Which I am EXTREMELY happy about. xP