What am i doing here?

so i'm sitting there taking crap from my parents

just listening trying not to glare but at the same time

trying not to roll my eyes knowing that they'll just yell more

"put that attitude away young lady; don't use that tone with me

that's such an ugly look; don't you dare look at me like that

don't talk back; don't interrupt; don't be rude; hold your tongue"

on and on; i don't care what they say doesn't matter anyways

its all the same, always always always repeating lines

that they think i need to hear but they don't know

i am just so sick of listening to them babble endlessly

i do what they say and it still doesn't seem like enough

they try to tell me that i need to talk to them more

but then when i try to explain the best i can

they still don't understand me and they always

always always always get it so incredibly wrong

its not even funny; i'm so tired of everything

sometimes i wonder if its even worth trying at all

i have the incentive to give up and give in

i have a good mind to throw it all away

after all what is it worth? my relationship,

my friendships, my family, church...

can i really do this? can i ditch everyone?

can i give it all up? all for God?

or will i always just stay where i am?

stuck in a rut? stuck in hole. stuck...

stuck in this vicious cycle, stuck...

stuck in this endless circle, stuck in the mud, stuck...

just so stuck, so stuck tight and can't get out, can't go anywhere...

trapped, they just don't understand, they don't...

they can't see who i really am, who i really can be...

my lungs literally ache for oxygen, for air, i crave it...

i need it like love to survive oh i'm losing it i'm falling...